Running off on the typewriter …
Tom Brady Retirement Announcement, Take II.
Not that I’m complaining about having to write down about Brady’s retirement for a second time.
If anyone is nice sufficient to deserve two retirement bulletins and the requisite genuflecting tributes, it’s Tommy Terrific.
For the sake of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their followers, I truthfully hope this retirement announcement finally ends up just like the final one when Brady modified his thoughts a month later and determined to return for yet one more season with the Bucs.
But I’m afraid this time he actually means it. Exactly one 12 months after his unique retirement announcement, Brady adamantly mentioned on Wednesday morning that his resolution is ultimate. In a one-minute video he posted, Brady mentioned to his tens of millions of social media followers: “Good morning, guys. I’ll get to the point right away. I’m retiring. For good.”
Translation: Welcome again to irrelevancy, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
You can now return to your customary spot as one of many worst franchises within the NFL.
Don’t child your self, the Bucs have been depressing for many of their existence and they’ll now be depressing once more. In their 46 years of existence, they’ve had simply 15 successful seasons and an total report of 310-453-1. Before Brady arrived three seasons in the past, the Bucs had gone 12 years with out making the playoffs and had 9 shedding seasons throughout that span.
When he signed with Tampa Bay, I wrote, “Tom Brady playing for the Bucs is like hanging the Mona Lisa on the bathroom wall in Room 217 of the Red Roof Inn.”
I really thought Brady was making an enormous mistake when he signed with Tampa Bay, however as a substitute he turned that Red Roof Inn into the Ritz-Carlton. He gave the moribund franchise immediate credibility, delivered a Super Bowl championship in his first season and took the Bucs to the playoffs 3 times in three years.
Although the brunt of Brady’s legacy shall be tied to the six Super Bowls he gained with Bill Belichick in New England, I preserve his greatest singular accomplishment was signing with the Bucs earlier than the pandemic-plagued 2020 season, acclimating himself to a brand new group, studying a brand new offense (with out the advantage of minicamps, preseason video games and a COVID-shortened coaching camp) and taking the bumbling Bucs to a Super Bowl championship in a single season.
As I wrote the final time Brady retired a 12 months in the past: “Before the G.O.A.T. (Greatest Of All Time) put himself out to pasture, Brady did something only a real, live GOAT could do: He wove his magical wool and dressed up the traditionally tattered and threadbare Tampa Bay Buccaneers in a championship coat of cashmere.”
Now, sadly, that championship coat of cashmere is gone and the Buccaneers are as soon as once more wearing a grimy T-shirt and pale blue denims.
Room 217 of the Red Roof Inn is trying dingy and drab as soon as once more.
The Mona Lisa is gone and has been changed by Dogs Playing Poker.
Tom Brady’s arrival turned the Tampa Bay Buccaneers into one of many league’s marquee franchises, however his departure turns them into the third-best group in Florida. …
Short stuff: This column is just going to be half so long as it usually is. I’m load-managing as we speak. … I noticed the place the U.S. Surgeon General is saying 13 is just too younger for kids to be on social media platforms. Judging by my Twitter feed, there are 45-year-old males who’re too younger to be on social media platforms. … Remember when National Signing Day on the primary Wednesday in February was as wild and enjoyable as St. Patty’s Day? Now it’s as bland and boring as Arbor Day. … Our condolences to DeMeco Ryans for being named the brand new coach of the Houston Texans. … Speaking of NFL teaching hires, can Sean Payton make Russell Wilson nice once more and resurrect the once-pround Denver Broncos? I don’t suppose so. In reality, I like this headline at TheOnion.com on the Broncos being purchased final 12 months by Rob Walton, the son of Walmart founder Sam Walton: “Walmart destroys another local business.” …
Bally Sports — the regional sports activities community that televises Orlando Magic video games — is flirting with chapter. If the community goes belly-up, it doesn’t essentially imply Magic video games gained’t be televised regionally, however it does imply the group would lose a major eight-figure income stream. Then once more, NBA groups spend eight figures on backup facilities who hardly ever play anymore (see Mo Bamba). … Before the Kansas City Chiefs beat his hometown Bengals in final weekend’s AFC Championship Game, Cincinnati mayor Aftab Pureval posted a trash-talking video during which he mentioned Joe Burrow wanted to take a paternity check to substantiate that he’s Patrick Mahomes’ daddy. After Mahomes rallied the Chiefs to a victory within the ultimate seconds, Chiefs tight finish Travis Kelce couldn’t resist firing again, “I’ve got some wise words for that Cincinnati mayor: ‘Know your role and shut your mouth, you jabroni!’ ” Great quote by Kelce, however not as nice as this one by Tom Blair: “Politicians are like diapers. They both need to be changed often. And for the same reason.” …
Hey, it’s Groundhog Day, and what meaning? Punxsutawney Phil simply popped his head out of his gap on the Advent Health Training Center, noticed his shadow and predicted six extra weeks of Jonathan Isaac being on the damage record. … Did you see the place Georgia quarterback Stetson Bennett was arrested for public intoxication at 6 a.m. Sunday when Dallas police responded to reviews of a person banging on doorways at an condo advanced? Bennett should have been so drunk that he thought he was nonetheless again in Athens, Ga., the place he would have by no means been arrested for such boorish conduct; he would have been given a police escort again dwelling. … I used to be by no means an enormous fan of the Pro Bowl, however now it’s been changed this weekend by the Pro Bowl Games, which include dodgeball, flag soccer and the water balloon toss. Talk about going from dangerous to worse. This is like watching a rerun of The Jerry Springer Show after which turning to a rerun of Hee Haw. …
Last phrase: “At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat. That costs money, and we don’t have any.” — former Georgia Southern coach Erk Russell
Email me at [email protected]. Hit me up on Twitter @BianchiWrites and hearken to my Open Mike radio present each weekday from 6 to 9:30 a.m. on FM 96.9, AM 740 and HD 101.1-2
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Source: www.bostonherald.com