Jim “Jones” Lyons and Geoff “DoorDash” Diehl, two of the largest losers ever in Massachusetts politics, are on the street this week, begging for an additional couple of years to maintain wrecking the state GOP.
You’ve heard of Victory Tours? This is the Crazy Tour. Lyons and Diehl have nearly singlehandedly destroyed the state Republican get together, and now they need to end the job as soon as and for all.
They are out of their bleeping minds. And they’re posting their unhinged rants each night time on YouTube.
Lyons, who’s each a former Democrat and a crazed Ted Cruz fanatic, is searching for one other time period as chairman of the MA GOP on Jan. 31. Since he was first elected in 2019, that is Lyons’ file in elections:
In November, the GOP candidates for all statewide constitutional workplace have been crushed. Lyons couldn’t even discover a sacrificial lamb to run for treasurer.
Under Lyons, the GOP has misplaced three of its 5 sheriffs and one among its two district attorneys. In the Legislature, the GOP has gone from 38 of 200 seats to twenty-eight. In particular legislative elections since 2019, Lyons is 0-6. In Congressional elections, his file is a dismal 0-18.
In 2022, Lyons misplaced each referendum questions the get together might have received – the graduated earnings tax and drivers’ licenses for illegals. Lyons additionally tried and didn’t get sufficient signatures to get 4 different questions onto the poll.
In different phrases, Jim Jones Lyons has an ideal monitor file. For Democrats, that’s.
So now Lyons and his hapless sidekick Diehl are touring across the state, searching for… I’m unsure what precisely, as a result of the election for chairman is restricted to the 74 or so present members of the GOP committee.
Most chairmen of each events spend their time making an attempt to win elections. Jim Jones Lyons can’t be bothered with elections. He’s extra involved about lawsuits – in opposition to his fellow Republicans.
So now, on Lyons’ Crazy Tour, his solely actual promise is that if he wins one other time period, he’ll file yet one more lawsuit – in opposition to Republicans, in fact.
He begs the native shut-ins who prove for the Crazy Tour to enroll as plaintiffs for his subsequent criticism. He dangles the prospect of big-money damages in entrance of his destitute disciples.
Forget all these misplaced elections. This time, Lyons assures his gullible marks, he’ll lastly prevail in opposition to sure events, each recognized and unknown to the grand jury.
“Those people took our money and wasted it!” he thundered in Carlisle, of all locations, pointing into the sparse crowd of geriatric shut-ins. “We – you! – you! – you! – and everyone in this room are entitled to damages and I am going to fight like hell to get you what you deserve. That’s what I’m gonna do!”
He appears like Reverend Ike in his prime — “Don’t wait for pie in the sky bye and bye when you die. Get yours now, with ice cream on top!”
As get together chairman, Lyons has but to win his first election for dogcatcher, or the rest. But by God, he’ll get reparations of all his toothless acolytes.
Last week on the Crazy Tour, Lyons was promising to seize $4 million in damages. Monday night time, in Hanson, he upped the jackpot to $5 million.
“Can I count on you to join our lawsuit?” he yelled, like a dollar-a-holler radio preacher. “How many people will help with this lawsuit against these people?”
Despite his political proselytizing, Lyons goes R-rated when he tries to shut the deal. It’s boob bait for the Bubbas.
“We can no longer say hey thanks for sticking it up our (expletive)!”
Occasionally, Lyons is requested why he’s solely just lately began speaking about this MegaMillions payout for his loser followers, who is perhaps getting a little bit antsy over the GOP’s four-year shedding streak.
“Why didn’t I tell us sooner?” he stated in response to a query. “Because I didn’t know. I didn’t get the documents. The documents are what proves what happened. I didn’t know! I wish I could have. How’s that?”
Like most snake-oil salesmen, Jim Lyons cautions that his Republican reparations Rapture could not happen instantly.
“I don’t want you to think this is gonna happen anytime soon,” he stated in Hanson. “We’re 2 1/2 years away from any justice.”
But how far-off are Republicans from profitable an election, Jim? Any election?
Warming up the group each night (the street present hits Haverhill tonight) is Geoff Diehl, four-time loser. If you’re not sure precisely what number of occasions DoorDash has been crushed like a rented mule, don’t fear, he’ll inform you.
“Yeah, Geoff Diehl can’t win races,” he whined Monday night time. “He can’t win for state Senate, he can’t win for US Senate, he can’t win for governor. Yeah, if everyone’s stabbing me in the back in my party it’s hard to win.”
Apparently DoorDash didn’t get the memo: Self-pity shouldn’t be good field workplace.
Diehl goes off on odd tangents. Talking about ex-Rep. Shawn Dooley, he talked about how the Norfolk Republican “had a picture with Maura Healey with his head on her head as if they’re lovers for God’s sake.”
Then he stared into the digicam (for they’re certainly videotaping themselves after which posting it on social media) and stated:
“Shawn Dooley, if you’re watching, Shawn, thanks so much for all the support!”
DoorDash acquired even weirder Monday night time in Hanson. He stated he’d misplaced a $10,000 contribution as a result of one among his foes (a Republican, naturally) falsely accused Diehl of sleeping along with his daughter’s – properly, you possibly can watch it for your self on YouTube.
My favourite sound minimize from Monday night time in Hanson comes at 2:06, when Jim Jones Lyons says:
“There is something drastically wrong with the Republican Party in Massachusetts.”
Indeed. And you and DoorDash Diehl are Exhibits 1 and a pair of.
The Crazy Tour will proceed by means of Monday, with a farewell efficiency in Milford. Be there or be sq.. Sign up as a plaintiff in Jim’s newest lawsuit.
By then, the promised payoff could also be as much as $10 million. Lyons et al. can’t win an election to save lots of their lives, however dwelling properly is the very best revenge.
Get yours now with ice cream on prime!
Source: www.bostonherald.com”
